I’m learning that life is full of challenges to deal with. Am I learning that? Surely I knew that already? Well, I did at one level and at another there is no harm in having a reminder – bringing it into consciousness. I have also learnt that everything can be overcome. Present things as a problem and that means there is a solution. And if I haven’t found it yet it’s because I haven’t looked at it in the right way, asked the right questions or asked the right people.
So I’m learning about asking. Harder than it sounds for someone like me who likes to spend a lot of time in her head and thinks that most (all?) of the answers will be found there. The curse of the logical mind? Or the curse of the afraid to be perceived as vulnerable? What is it in our society that has set so many of us up as independent isles who need to figure out our own problems and our own solutions? Is it the curse of human nature or is it something we have created? It would take more of an anthropological expert than me to answer that with any certainty. However, relying solely on my gut instinct I suspect it is more of the latter. Perhaps if we look to other societies the same is not true. Or perhaps if we look further back within our own it is not true. Yet today it does seems to be the prevailing wind. Or again, is that just me and my own personal fear of perceived vulnerability? The answer I think is certainly in part, yes. However, I don’t think that I’m alone. In this way, like in so many others, I dont think that I am anything special.
So what we can all learn from this? Well, firstly I think that there are no insurmountable problems. And I really do mean none. More than likely whatever we are facing someone, somewhere has faced before so there is already a ready source of experience and expertise to tap into. And we can all learn to ask.
And before I go, a perspective thing on asking. Often the thing we most fear others will think of us is the thing that we attract and like in them. For example, I love people to ask me stuff – my advice, my opinion, my thoughts on something. And do I perceive the asker as vulnerable? On the contrary, partly I am too busy being flattered and pleased about being asked and partly I am too distracted by how great it feels to be able to help people out. So what stops me from thinking that others feel the same way when I ask them?
Well, that’s my homework for the week sorted – ASK. What’s yours? Think about what you most fear others will think of you (that you’re stupid, that you’re a burden, whatever it is for you) and then think about how you react to others who ask of you - whether it’s your time, your help or your opinion. What do you get from that? And now be generous. Whatever you get from that is available for you to give to others. Go on, try it. You might be surprised by what you gain.