We all say yes and no a lot. Well, I do and I’m making a fair guess that you do too. But did you know that it is only half of an equation? Most of the time we treat it like it is complete on its own. It’s not and in missing out the other half we are not giving ourselves the full picture.
I came across the full equation early on when I encountered coaching and it has stuck with me as one my favourite concepts. Partly because of its simplicity (I firmly believe simplest things are best) and also because of its value.
The full equation:
· Saying yes = saying no
· Saying no = saying yes
What this means is when you are saying yes to something you are also saying no to one, or many things. And vice versa. Sounds simple? Well, that’s because it is and perhaps that is why it is so often overlooked and I think at great cost.
To be clear there aren’t any value judgements on either yes or no and this certainly isn’t about “learning about saying no”. Though for a lot of people it is the one they find harder. And this is where considering the full equation can really help. When you say no to something you are, at the same time, saying yes to at least one other thing. Consciously bringing this to mind can help with managing feelings such as guilt that often tag along for the ride when we say no. And thinking about the full picture when we say yes can help avoid unintended consequences.
My invitation is to use this simple equation when you are stuck making a decision, or know which decision you really want to make and are struggling with it.